1 Peter 3:7 - Husbands

“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

Ladies, aren’t you glad Peter finally turned his attention to the husbands?

Just like his instruction to wives, Peter begins teaching the husbands with; “in the same way…” which is important. Wives are to submit to God’s will by submitting to the leadership of their husbands. Husbands are to submit to God’s will by being considerate of their wives and treating them with respect as spiritual equals. They key in both situations is that husbands and wives are to submit, “in the same way” as Jesus submitted to God in humbly going to the cross (1 Peter 2). Consider that for a bit…

Always the realist, Peter acknowledges that wives are the weaker sex – meaning that they are typically weaker physically than their husbands and in the culture of the day, definitely weaker socially. Women had few rights and their main protection was through their husbands. When one partner has all the power, there is always the possibility for abuse. Actually, it is human nature for the strong to take advantage the weak – you see it in sports, politics, relationships, and especially children.

If Levi (my 16-month-old) has something Isaac (Nick’s 2-and-a-half-year-old) wants – Ike just takes it away from him. Ike is bigger and stronger and there is nothing Levi can do. (We have seen Levi do the same thing to smaller kids in the church nursery; all kids do it.) Of course Nick and Emily give Ike a-talking-to because they don’t want him to behave that way. Peter gives all husbands a-talking-to in this passage by saying, “you are stronger physically and socially, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to abuse your strength by taking advantage her weakness”.

While Peter acknowledges that women are weaker physically and socially, he states that wives are spiritually equal to their husbands because they are co-heirs of the gracious gift of life. Regardless of the cultural bias in that day (and in our day) wives are equal to husbands in the area that matters most – the eternal spiritual realm.

There are several New Testament passages that indicate that relational differences will hinder your prayer life (Matthew 5:23, 6:12,14-15). You can imagine that if you are mistreating your wife – God will not answer your prayers. We forget that God is not compelled to answer our prayers – if we are living in disobedience to His commands – he has every right to turn a deaf ear. If you want your prayers to be heard, you should honor, respect, and be considerate to your wife.

So guys, begin praying that God will prepare your heart so that when the time comes, you will be able to love and serve your wife and family like Christ loved and served the church. It takes the Spirit of God to be the husband you need to be…

1 Peter 3:5-6 - Submission

“For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, (6) like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.”

As a very brief review of what we talked about last time, purity of life and a submissive spirit has always been a godly woman’s lasting source of beauty and attractiveness. Take a few moments to compare that to the world’s opinion of beauty… expensive clothes, hair care products, make-up, Botox, face lifts, other…ahem…enhancements – all basically say, “You need help because you are not pretty enough on your own.” That is the message our culture communicates to women every minute of every day.

The holy women of the past would scoff at such a lie. Each woman is beautiful because God made her beautiful. And if that woman is a believer, she has the Spirit of the Living God residing within her to make her even more beautiful. The holy women would say, “Put your hope in God and focus on your internal beauty – it is the only beauty that will last.”

“They were submissive to their own husbands.” Why should a wife be submissive to her husband? Because God made the husband the head of the household. In submitting to her husband, a woman is obeying and being submissive to God. The opposite is true as well, if a wife is not submissive to her husband, she is really being disobedient to God. It is a wonderful thing to have a husband you respect and can happily submit to – but even if you don’t, you respect him because God commands you to.

“…like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master.” Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him her master; that is she recognized him as the leader and head of their household (Gen. 18:12). In those days, the term “master” was a term of respect, like “sir” or “ma’am” – it doesn’t mean that wives are slaves and their husbands are their masters.

Sarah respected Abraham as the God-appointed leader of their marriage and family. Those who choose to follow her example will become like her daughters in righteousness. I know most of you are not married yet, but for now, follow Sarah’s example and put your hope in God – and store the rest away for later.

A word for the guys: while you are single, you need to cultivate your relationship with Jesus so that you are prepared to be the head of your household. A word for the gals: you need to consider the spiritual leadership ability of the guys you date. It may not be the most romantic notion, but it will save you a world of trouble…

1 Peter 2:3-4 - Adornment

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. (4) Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

2000 years ago, women chased the latest fashions and spent inordinate amounts of money to look good and attract men. Sounds like today doesn’t it? I’ll ease your fears up front, Peter does not say that women are prohibited from taking care of themselves, dressing up, or looking nice; he says women should not fool themselves into thinking outward appearance is the source of their beauty.

Genuine beauty comes from the inside, not the outside. Actually, everything of worth comes from the inside – that is why God said to Samuel when he was selecting the new king of Israel:

“…The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” - 1 Samuel 16:7

I am confident that you know the truth of this passage. My question is this: do you really KNOW it? Too often we give mental assent to biblical truth without allowing it to change our thoughts and actions. Does the truth that your beauty comes from the inside change the way you dress, shop, and feel about yourself? It should.

You are beautiful because God Himself knit you together inside your mother’s womb. He made you like you are because it made Him happy to make you that way. He gave you talents and gifts to glorify His name and He allowed weakness so you would learn to rely on Him and on others. (Sin has created more weakness and faults in our lives but that is a topic for another day.) The more you embrace and cultivate that inner beauty, the more attractive you become – inside and out.

God created you – beautifully, I might add – to be of service in the Kingdom of God, in the world, and in the lives of others.

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” – Ephesians 2:10

That is the purpose of your life – to do the good work that God has prepared for you. You get no extra points for wearing the most fashionable jeans, an amazing sweater, or the cutest shoes ever. I have a feeling that God is neither pleased, nor honored in the amount of time and money we spend looking good on the outside at the expense of cultivating the inside.

So how about it ladies; do you spend more time on your outward beauty than your inward beauty? Do you spend more money shopping for things you don’t need than you do helping those who are desperately in need? Do you spend more time getting ready in the morning than you do in prayer? Do you seek to look good in the sight of man instead of in the sight of God? Your beauty comes from the inside, not from outward adornment.

Allow God’s grace to wash away your need to compete and compare yourself to others. Spend time cultivating your inner beauty –which is Christ in you – and you’ll be shocked how quickly your concern for the latest trends will fade away. And that my friends, is called freedom.

**A quick word for the guys – do you perpetuate the myth that looks are all that matters? Do you affirm and encourage the internal beauty – the sweet spirit, the love for others, the servant heart – you see in your female friends, or do you only comment about the external beauty you see? A simple change in your attitude will really help your sisters in Christ.

1 Peter 3:1-2 - Submission

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”

This teaching has been misused and abused for hundreds of years. People have used this verse and others like it, to subjugate women and bolster men into demi-gods. The misinterpretation of this teaching (willful or otherwise), has caused no end of trouble for women and a stain on Christianity. But just because a teaching has been used incorrectly, doesn’t mean that we have the right to throw it out. This passage is part of God’s word, and as such, demands our understanding and obedience.

With that preamble out of the way, allow me a few comments:

- Wives are called to be submissive to their husbands, not to any and every man they encounter (“be submissive to your husband”).

- The word “submissive” means, “to be under authority”. While on earth, Jesus was under the authority of God the Father. We – everyone – are to live under the authority of Jesus. And in a marriage relationship, the wife is to live under the authority of her husband.

- God has placed the husband as the head of the house as a function of order within the family, not as a statement of worth. The husband is the leader among equals – like the foreman of a jury or a captain of a sports team. In Christ, all have equal value. “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave not free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ.” – Galatians 3:8

- While all are equal in value, God has set up marriage so that the husband has the ultimate responsibility for the family. The husband is called to love his wife and family as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25). How does he do that? Jesus denied himself, became a servant, and sacrificed his life for the church; that is how a husband should lead his family. A side note for you future husbands, being head of the house has nothing to do with getting your way. Being head of the house means that you are responsible before God for the way you lead your family.

- If the husband does not do his job properly, or is not a believer at all, the wife is called to live her faith and love her family in such a way that the husband will come to Christ because of her example. The wisdom of this teaching is this: a hard heart will not be softened by argument or apologetics. Hearts are softened through love, service, and prayer. (And you’re right – it is not an easy task to love and respect someone who does not believe as you do.)

A man can rarely become the husband God called him to be without a supportive and encouraging wife. A woman can rarely become the wife God called her to be without a loving and selfless husband. Husbands and wives are partners, not competitors – store that away for when you get married.

“Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave – just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” – Matthew 20:26-28