1 Peter 3:1-2 - Submission

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”

This teaching has been misused and abused for hundreds of years. People have used this verse and others like it, to subjugate women and bolster men into demi-gods. The misinterpretation of this teaching (willful or otherwise), has caused no end of trouble for women and a stain on Christianity. But just because a teaching has been used incorrectly, doesn’t mean that we have the right to throw it out. This passage is part of God’s word, and as such, demands our understanding and obedience.

With that preamble out of the way, allow me a few comments:

- Wives are called to be submissive to their husbands, not to any and every man they encounter (“be submissive to your husband”).

- The word “submissive” means, “to be under authority”. While on earth, Jesus was under the authority of God the Father. We – everyone – are to live under the authority of Jesus. And in a marriage relationship, the wife is to live under the authority of her husband.

- God has placed the husband as the head of the house as a function of order within the family, not as a statement of worth. The husband is the leader among equals – like the foreman of a jury or a captain of a sports team. In Christ, all have equal value. “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave not free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ.” – Galatians 3:8

- While all are equal in value, God has set up marriage so that the husband has the ultimate responsibility for the family. The husband is called to love his wife and family as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25). How does he do that? Jesus denied himself, became a servant, and sacrificed his life for the church; that is how a husband should lead his family. A side note for you future husbands, being head of the house has nothing to do with getting your way. Being head of the house means that you are responsible before God for the way you lead your family.

- If the husband does not do his job properly, or is not a believer at all, the wife is called to live her faith and love her family in such a way that the husband will come to Christ because of her example. The wisdom of this teaching is this: a hard heart will not be softened by argument or apologetics. Hearts are softened through love, service, and prayer. (And you’re right – it is not an easy task to love and respect someone who does not believe as you do.)

A man can rarely become the husband God called him to be without a supportive and encouraging wife. A woman can rarely become the wife God called her to be without a loving and selfless husband. Husbands and wives are partners, not competitors – store that away for when you get married.

“Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave – just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” – Matthew 20:26-28